He was so easy yet so hard to love and I could never figure out why.. we fought often I was stupid and use to tell him to get out of my house and he would but then hed come home.. Thanksgiving weekend we had this HUGE fight he was with his parents and I was stupid and told him to move out.. Ramona, thank you for taking the time to comment and to share your story/perspective. I am sad. John Imboden October 17, 2020 at 11:18 am Reply. Hi Joanna. She shot herself while my 9 year old was there. I highly recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/grief-recovery-is-not-a-thing/ I also suggest you give this article a read: https://whatsyourgrief.com/five-stages-of-grief/ Although the idea of working through five stages of grief and then reaching healing is desirable, it is rarely that straightforward. I have used your site many, many times as a chaplain and have referred so many other caregivers and bereaved to these helpful resources. This kind of death creates an incredibly painful and complicated grief to endure. He asked the cops if he could grap his wallet out of his truck to give to are parents and they said sure. But in hindsight he was probably depressed and had some serious self esteem issues, very moody at times for long stretches. Last week, I got a tattoo of his initials. Im so glad to hear that you are getting help. He was multi-talented. My family barely speaks of the event and the lack of support from friends really surprised me. Im so confused about how Im feeling most of the time. By Laura Zinn Fromm. For Deaf, Hard of Hearing, and People with Speech Disabilities who use a TTY, call 1-800-799-4TTY (4889). Call someone when you need to talk. I have a similar story, If youre interested please dont hesitate to email me efelix83@yahoo.com, Stephanie April 17, 2019 at 8:43 pm Reply. I prayed to God for a sign that I should go, which I never received. Four minutes he was gone. I knew her well and knew all wed endured throughout our childhood (all the family secrets). i have a terrrible temper and i simply wanted him to sober up. Children Learn What They Live By Dorothy Law Nolte, Ph.D. I am especially angry with the psychotic medication TV commercials. It's a possibility and it sucks. I just had the worst story and tragedy in my life I live in Toronto for 7 years, got married 5 years ago with my dream girl and have 2 beautiful girls our life was an example to every one with just working as workers and a very little income but more enough to cover our expenses.. I know why my daughter ended her life. One son had a visible disease and the other had an invisible disease, but they both chose to end their pain. When she was 19, Jazz*, now 21, spent about six months struggling to break up with her boyfriend. I felt isolated and estranged during conversation. IsabelleS January 6, 2021 at 10:39 am Reply. Thank you. But at the end of the day it was about the kids, how do I go from a dad with an ex-wife and two kids with a mother, who was active with them up until the last 20 minutes of her life to this? I struggle with the question, was this due to his bi-polar issues, or was this due to his current circumstances that he didnt know how to handle? SEEK out ongoing support/medical treatment. My mother had attempted suicide twice before she finally succeeded, and I think I spent several years waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. It is common to experience physical reactions to your grief, such as headaches, loss of appetite and difficulty sleeping. I have to move into low income housing (I get VA disability) and I have to file bankruptcy. He was fine, a happy child who had no issues or problems. Just my story. I wish all of you love, as well. Im glad I could help him but god I cant help but think sometimes I could save a friend and not my sister, Please help me understand. I have to live with him by my side and I have to think through it clearly, and harshly. He chose to do this a week and a half to two weeks before both of our childrens birthdays. I continue on in my daily living tasks, and sometimes a feeling hits me out of nowhere, that I am doing this or that yet my neighbor is doing nothing, shes gone, shes really gone. So I know he had other things going on that probably had a big affect on his mental health. Theres rumors he hurt people when he was alive and idk how to feel about anything. Every single day. I would have dealt with all the bad just to get to the good. I was at her boyfriends house the night before it all happened she didnt seem upset or off. Is that when he was at his drunkest he still wanted more until he passed out. i was the last thought he had before he pulled the trigger, how can i not hold some sort of blame. I have 2 older sisters and our mom that also struggle with his death. I lost my son to an overdose suicide last year, and while I knew he would eventually succumb to his depression, I was still shocked of course. No matter how hard we try we can never be there at all times and we cannot always be able to save those we love. Bekah, Im so very sorry for your loss. I should have known! The men we think are the strongest sometimes are the ones in the most pain and best at hiding it. I realize that he always loved me, and I always loved him. At this point I am not sure if it was something that was preplanned or something that he decided to do after I left town. Ride those waves and sit in the hurt. I did grief share at a local church but they still read from the bible that it was a sin, I even looked for grief counsler but I cant find any that takes my insurance Medicare and Tricare. I learned last week that my friend died of suicide, although the cause of death was not made clear. The day he died my husband was told to name a price & not to worry about the amount. If your bf has guilt, regret, or feelings that he could or should have done something, this may be his brains way of dealing with those feelings. Thats how we learn thats how we grow. The aftermath never goes away. The most painful part for me is my brother, seeing the emptiness in his eyes after losing his little girl. I think this may go back to this idea of rejection, which is something Ive never really thought about before. He was short and grumpy with me. He chose to leave me and the people he loved that day and that has always been the hardest part for me. My heart goes out to all those who have commented :'(. She took her life when it wasnt expected I know its a different situation that you were in but I know the pain and Jesus died on the cross for all of us because he loves all of us he doesnt want to see us in pain its the only way Ive been able to get through this and I know he loves you and he wants you into His life which is everlasting I know we never have to live this pain forever, Josie Evanson December 12, 2021 at 11:22 pm Reply, My wonderful bf just killed himself 7 days ago. Thats exactly how I feel/felt. He told all the family he loved them by video weeks before. This may sound weird, especially to me, but I am so glad I posted. Im sorry for your loss. So, regardless of the circumstances around the death, it is not a given that it will be experienced as traumatic. Im a die-hard football fan (raiders nfl and wolverines NCAA). I helped him move into an apartment, continued taking him to his appts, started attending AA again, and we mutually divorced. I recommend you check out this article: https://whatsyourgrief.com/guilt-and-grief-2/ You may also want to seek out the support of a therapist trained in grief, which you can find here: https://grief.com/grief-counselor-directory/ Please be gentle with yourself. My husband worries a lot but has to work, so its me at home with my kids and this grief inside me trying to take over. Its up to you to figure out what you want to do with your grief, how you want to handle it, where you want to settle it beside yourself and in your life, and what role you want to take in seeing this situation out, but, no matter what you decide, you can take comfort in knowing that you made those decisions for yourself. Family we were so close and I cant deal with WHY, Marion Tenneson December 28, 2022 at 3:18 pm Reply, Please approve our story for publication; So sad, anyone who has looked after a loved one with mental illness or dementia will know how hard it is physically and mentally. I want answers, but I know I will never get them. Hard. Im lost, I dont know how to live without him, Im feeling so empty. Laquita Hughes March 25, 2021 at 10:33 pm Reply, my childhood friend just killed himself and its hard because he tried to visit me a month ago. When i try to piece myself back together i feel like im missing a half the pieces. Still, I cannot get over the feeling that I shouldve found a way to stop her. There is a common theme. I keep having these feelings that her next marriage will end in the same result. I was planning to visit him when I got the news from my aunt that he had hanged himself in june 2018.He was 43. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and please know it is never too late to get help many people, even many decades after a traumatic death are able to find some healing with the right support. I think his mom might see me going out, having fun and enjoying life and think I am somehow disgracing his memory. They were 14 & 12. Hi, Im so very sorry for your loss. I cant believe it still My family are so devastated and I cant see us being the family we were once more. We had the suicide conversation numerous times over the past 3 years; I knew his plan. the questions came faster than I could process. I understand what she went through. I did notice that he was a bit distant at times but I had blamed that on the medication. If I would have known he was suffering I would have dropped everything to be with him. Yet, we couldnt see it. Its been a helpful resource. Gail Julmi April 13, 2019 at 6:04 am Reply. My brother shot himself almost two weeks ago and it still feels like I am just raw. We had an instant connection and a fairytale romance. Carrie December 7, 2018 at 7:00 pm Reply, Its Dec 7th 2018. Ok January 10 I got the call that forever changed me. I was not of an age to have any obligations as a result of his death but the heartbreak otherwise was the same. Call someone when you need to talk. He will bring forth your righteousness as the light, and your justice as the noonday. Carolann Leibovitz May 31, 2021 at 7:03 am Reply. I know its gonna suck but its also going to help. They left the window ajar because when they woke up that morning to her dead, they just left. For me, the most beneficial piece to my healing continues to be talking with others who have lost a loved one. I didnt know what had happened until two weeks later. Let guilt turn to forgiveness of yourself and others. Please stay strong. His wife had left him and they were battling over custody. We took him off of life support 12/23/18 as there was no hope. Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any for any advice I can get. We are both a mess. In the 80s depression was not understood like it is now. i never got to say goodbye. I was home and heard the noise from the gun. Theres no one there. If a friend is considering suicide, get professional help right away. I dont know if he thought about killing himself or if it was a random decision. . Im very lost with all of this because I have always believed help is always there, but now Im not so sure. I ran in the house and past my grandmother into the garage. never truly seeking real help for this, my suffering is compounded daily by my long past of chumping my future-self, and have now dragged an amazing and kind woman down with me. If I only knew he was diagnosed I could maybe have got the guns out of the house? I miss him everyday and this time of year can be overwhelming at times. She was an organ donor and now several people will have life because of her. mistersinister has killed himself and you are his brother and you are now angry at this forum because you think it made him . It seems the society is brainwashed into believing that getting back someone from death is worse than the person dying. We are facing covid. Know that someone else out there knows how you feel. Sunday morning when I woke, he was standing in the closest with his robe on.
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